Her Name Should Be Grace

There are creatures, for you pet lovers, that just seem to touch you.  I had a cat name Randy, given name Random (a long story in which my husband won that battle.  She was not a He!  But he loved the character in the series he was reading from Roger Zelazny) and I had been blessed for her to allow me to be her owner for 18 years.  After that time I knew I would always have a cat in the house. 

The iconic idea of a cat on the bed is from my childhood, where I always had an animal or two to share my life with.  Randy was special and most definitely my cat.  She had been a good and fine companion.

My heart yearned for another.  So, my husband and I began visiting the local Humane Society in search of a kitten.  We had said we would not get another black cat because Randy had been black and we wanted to move our hearts on.  We fell in love with a really different brown cat, but he was a male.  At the time my husband was dead set against males.  So, there was this little black kitten who was mewing a lot and she got my attention.  She was friendly and so home we went with another black kitten. 

Now, Randy did not really meow until she was almost a year old. She did make a noise but it was sort of a Ma-uck sound.  I know that this strange but I have been told there are some cats that don’t need to meow, they are just content and that is that.  Not this new one.  She was mewing all the time.  At first I thought there was something wrong!  We showed her cat box, which towered over her.  She must have thought it was a cage because she was resistant at first to leave it.  She leave, go a few feet, mew and run back.  She did this for a good hour and a half until she got far enough away to see Chris and I in the other room. 

She “talked” all the time.  When she wanted something, when she was happy, when she played, when you sneezed (no, really!).  I mean all the time.  Now I have heard of dogs who like to “talk”, Schnauzers being one of them.  They like the last word, but I had never had a cat like this.  Turn’s out there were other things I would never experience before too.  She is extremely clumsy.  She didn’t walk with the charm and ability of any of my past cats.  She knocked things over.  She jumped okay, but was never sure where she would land.  You could see this expression on her face of maybe not terror, but of “OH BOY”.  Jumping down she would climb down as far as she could and then plop on the ground with a thud, not with the svelteness of a cat, but the thud of a dog.

As she got older it seemed she might have had eye issues, but that was dismissed as it became evident that it was certainly a brain perception issue.  She patted the water in the bowl to try to judge the distance, only to sometimes dunk her nose in it.  She mastered that after a few years but there were many years she would dip the paw and splash, dip the paw and splash it again. 

She was so tiny at first.  She developed what my Vet called an “Apron” her tummy sagged like a cat who has had a dozen kittens.  When she would lie down she spread out like a cat weighing five times more than what she did.

It was some where along the line I realized she had not one mean bone in her body.  She never growled (although she does yowl at the other cat we now have that takes much pleasure in terrorizing her)  scratched, never bit, and when she did purr it was usually quiet and it usually made her gag!  She was just a good soul.  She loved to snuggle with my husband on his chair and would climb up on his chest for loving.  Me, on the other hand (hand being the operative word) struggled when anyone came at her face first (because of the brain issue) and would back off when you were about to love her.  Thus began the beginnings of “tootsie lovin’.”  One day she was mewing and wrapping herself around my legs as I sat in my chair.  It was at this point I started to stroke her with my sneakered foot.  Low and behold she just adored this.  She would come whenever I tapped my toes when I sat and I would stroke her sides.  She was in nirvana!  I would take off my shoes to do around her head and this became our ritual, and still is.  Where I could not approach her face forward (she was fine when I petted her from behind her head) she thrived and accepted “tootsie” love, and in fact insisted on it with continued meows.

Each pet I have had I have learned more about myself than about them.  They have brought out different parts of me.  Here was what at best could be called a special needs cat and she was mine.  Then again I have my own special needs.  She was devoted and so am I.

So I sit here while I watch her curled up into a ball.  If I “mew” to her, she will “meow” back.  I know we have a connection.

What began as a joke because of her lack of cat like abilities, Grace became a state of being about her.

“yeh, mentally”) by God.  She was meant for me and I was meant for her.  She is Grace.

When I Retire....

Yesterday my brother in law and sister in law got together with us for dinner.  We got to speaking about retirement.  They have plans of travel, here there.  It was when he asked Chris and I why we never talked about what we want to do with or in our retirement.

Well, being disable sometimes I think I have a mindset that I am somewhat retired.  Only thing being that my physical issues stop a whole lot of things I might have chosen to do had I been healthy enough to choose them.  I don’t look at my retirement basically because I feel that I am living my life to the fullest now.  I know when my husband retires we won’t have a ton of money to do all the things we can now.  Nor can we depend on me having the health to do it.

Truth be told, both my parents died when they were 56 and for years they said they would do this or that (most was traveling) when they retired.  Now, those might have been pipe dreams on their part because my family was very  blue collar worker.  But, what came through to me in the long run was neither did reach that goal.  So, those experiences were never felt, never shared, never cherished.  I decided a long time ago that I will “make hay” while the getting is good and ease into retirement in a peaceful, non-gotta do this or that mindset. 

I am not one that cares a lot about cars (as long as it is dependable, good for me!) or the latest gadgets.  I am patient about getting things done around the house. I look at like this, we are never going to leave this home unless we have to sell it.  So, there is time to paint or whatever, whenever we can.  We enjoy the weekends and do maintain the house well. But, nothing is urgent or not livable.  I am not a home fashion diva (although I do like to read about it) and when a project is taken on (like the bathroom a few years ago) it will very often replace any vacation we were going to take.  But, that is okay.  Extravagant, we are not. Although, Chris may not agree about my spending habits on this.

I suspect we will be two homebodies who like to window shop, go out to lunch and spend time reading.  I just don’t have a lot of expectations, with the exception of slowing way down physically, emotionally, financially.

I drive my husband nuts with certain things.  I have a passion for books and it bothers the dickens out of him.  I spend too much time getting books in the mail.  I like clothes a little too much (even though this year most of my clothes were from the church rummage sale).  I like to buy spices to cook with.... the cabinet is full of them.  I do use them, but when you use them a tablespoon at a time, they don’t go away very fast.  Those little Tablespoons of spices are my little adventure in the unknown.

Taking this position has taken a lot of pressure off me and my new “bucket list” which has reasonable, attainable things I would like to do.  Like go to Martha’s Vineyard.  Heck, I am a New Englander and I have never been to the Islands.  Or Bar Harbor (or shall I say Baa-Haba) for more than 6 hours.  Learn to paint in oil (which has taken some expense on our part), write my own cookbook.  Although, after going through and putting together the church cookbook, I wonder about this one.  Maybe enter more recipe contest. Continue to write that paranormal Romance Mystery I have 5 chapters into already.

Nothing big... no Alaska, no Europe, no cross country.  To retire for me is to “be” content where you are at that stage of your life.  You no longer have much disposable income, you have to visit the library more if you have a hankering for more than a couple magazines, looking for coupons for lunches (although I do that even now!).  Simple, simple, simple.

I am not sure what my brother in law meant when he asked the question.  There are two philosophy of thought.  One, you save, save, save and sacrifice now or two, you be reasonable and enjoy now.  I think it bugs my husband that we will not be in a great condition financially, but I believe we will be in a good one.  With economy, the Social Security issues, who knows.  But, you cannot live your life NOW for retirement THEN.  I don’t mean that you don’t save and try to prepare.  I mean the sacrifices in your life should come at a time when you would expect them.  A time when I know I will neither have the energy or drive to do much more than enjoy my patio and go out for a pizza once in a while. 

Am I overly optimistic? Am I not optimistic?  I suppose one could make an argument for both.  All I know is that for now I am pretty sure I have tomorrow and I am grateful for today.  So, based on that I will save and prepare for another cruise, a trip to Florida and perhaps one of those bucket list trips.  Nothing grand, something just right for both of us.

Except for saving (and yes hubby and I don’t agree on this either) I am bound and determined to live life in the here and now.  I am going to smell those roses along the way now and pray that they will be there 15 years from now when I will be appreciating them even more.

No, nothing big planned for retirement for us.  Just being, living and counting our blessings and maybe an occasional hamburger from the Chili’s down the street, with a coupon, of course.

I have thoughts!

I started this blog to reflect.  Taking the big jump into the unknown wondering if I or anyone could benefit from these meanderings.

Today I am going to talk about family.  I personally know how I feel about family, what about you?  I lost all my immediate family starting at a young age (my eldest brother died at 24 when I was 12).  There began a tumble effect of deaths until I was about 24.  My father, my mother, an aunt who was like a second mother. 

I read how often (Facebook) the drama that is in young people's lives today.  Drama of their own making and yet none the less, still painful for them.  With wisdom of age, comes the appreciation of even one day where you could interact with a long gone parent.  Had I been so stubborn and dramatic?  Maybe.

I see where people pour their heart out on an open forum, thinking that no one ever see's or creates an opinion.  I recently had seen a post of a certain young person, which shocked me.  Out there was the anger and hurt that only a parent can feel, from the perspective of a 15 year old.  It was horrible.  A picture was painted of an ogre that loomed over this child like a scene from a Charles Dickens novel.  A private moment, and painful I expect was out there for the world to pass judgment on.

Dear ones, I appreciate this forum of open talk via facebook, myspace, blogs etc.  In fact as in my title "I have thoughts" I encourage one who feels that they may open a door for someone ... go for it!  But there are risk.

We all have responsibilities when we write.  Are they moments better left in the filing cabinet marked "personal" or is this something that should be shared.  What is to be learned or gleaned from the writing?  What is the purpose and meaning of those words to another human being.  Are they for humiliation, fear, bullying?  Then leave it alone and leave it between you and whomever.

With these new forums should come self control, but most often I do not see it.  Too much information is put out there for all to see.  Like laundry flapping in the breeze, with a message on each piece that hangs there...someone is going to see it.  Emotions, raw and new spew like acid.

I guess I am writing this to say that we all have to be tempered.  When we write we need to remember that "it" is out there for the world to see and pass judgment on.  So, what do I want people to see?

I don't mind posting emotions and feelings but they are controlled feelings.  Not when I am red hot mad, but when I can write like someone who cares what is read about me.  I self edit.

One last thought, if it will hurt another, don't do it.  If it is petty, small and common, drop it.  It takes a much bigger person to take a situation and reflect upon it without the bow and arrow in hand.

What Kind of Friends?

When we have friends we have expectations of loyalty and trust.  But, there comes times in our lives where we interact with “different” kinds of friends.  I am talking about the friends who are not the life time ones, but the ones that drift (if we are lucky) in and out. I’ve identified several categories where there have been people I have called friends at one time or another.  Not all relationships last but they happen anyway.  I use the term “friend” quiet loosely

1.  The Emotional Vampire.  Oh yes, vampires do exist!  These are the people who come into your life and expect to be the center of your world.  Only problem is they cannot reciprocate that feeling.  They go on for hours talking about themselves and their lives, sometimes not letting you get a word in.  They call you when they are in the depths of despair for your council and comfort.  But, are nowhere when you need that in return.  They make dumb decisions and ignore you when you call them on it.  They want unconditional love and acceptance and expect not to give it in return.  They literally suck the life and love out of a friendship because at some point you have nothing left to give and you feel wiped out and sometimes used by the end of this “friendship”

2.  Toxic Friends.  These are the people who would not use a positive statement in front of you to save their lives.  You think you can be a positive influence on them.  You try to point out life isn’t all bad.  Drama is something that keeps them going, and that can put you into a depression.  These people need to find the good life that there is to be found out there.  Nothing you say really phases them, but you learn to take it on the cuff.  These people can continue to be casual friends, but keeping them in your inner circle will make start thinking negatively yourself.

3.  Friends of chance.  These are the people you meet during an event, exchange emails, phone numbers.  You find a common interest and go from there.  They could be people you work with, bowl with etc.  They are people that share your friendship in very specific times and occasions.  They are supportive, but not really into your personal life.  These are ones when you ask how many friends do you have.... they will say thirty or fifty.  Realistically can you be intimate with 30 or 50 people?  I know I can’t

4.  Friends that Visit.  I say this because there are times we can become close to an individual because of trauma or need.  They are in need of comfort and relationships.  They do not intend to drift out of your life but they do.  Often it is because they have needed you for a time and after that time they feel a comfort about moving on.  These types  of friendships can be wonderful and yet painful when that someone moves on.  Take heart, you were their rock for a time when they needed it most.  These are the friends that were caterpillars that turned into butterflies.  You were meant to be together for a time (or a “visit”) to grow, walk side by side and then to move on.

5.  Inner Circle.  If you are fortunate you have an inner circle of friends which you see and speak to often.  They are the “gang” you hang with.  I belong to a gang called the “crazy 8’s”.  We love to do long weekends when we can, entertain each other, celebrate Christmas with each other etc.  I have found that the circle can usually be no more than ten  After that you cannot fully invest enough of yourself to each person to develop the kind of relationship that this entails.  We are the fun people who love each other and each other’s family.  They bring joy into your life (along with extended family)

6.  Topical Friends.  Now, I must explain this because it seems like a strange term.  Of my inner circle there are friends I am close to for specific reasons.  One because she is a childhood friend and I love her dearly.  We have been through so much and she knows every aspect of my life from a child on (the losses, the joys and the pressures).  One is actually a relative (husbands cousin wife) who has adopted me into her family and I have become one of them (which I love, having very few of my own family), one is a confidant and a rudder who advice is always sound and I respect her and care what she thinks of my life, she is a second conscience.  There are others outside the 8’s that I hold dear as well.  They are family, wives of friends, wives of my husbands friends, and that includes my mother in law.

7.  The Beginner Friend.  My hubby has the ability to assess what I call his “total friend quota”  It is pretty clearly defined by limiting the inner circle to people where he can keep up with their lives and they keep up with his.  There are some friendships beginning in our church family.  People who we feel connected to and really enjoy being with them.  These relationships are relatively new to us and they are quickly becoming near and dear.  They will  be another circle of friends.  Just not as crazy as the “Crazy 8”!

8.  Everyone else.  Daily we interact with people.  In a generic way I consider all people of value and well yes, friends.  Just not on the level of my other friends.  People at the store where you shop and they know your name.  Or the library personnel who puts a book aside for you because they think you would enjoy it.  They are people who do a kindnesses, but are  casually in your life.

Yes, we have all kinds of friends in our lives.  Today I wrote on Facebook to a young person what I thought friends were:  True, honest, trustworthy, loving, selfless, giving, kind, those are the things that tell the quality of a person, girl or boy. Okay off my soapbox now.

Young people are still finding their way through all the types of friends they have.  Often the distinction is difficult for them.  To say to someone a friend lifts you and doesn’t put you down is true, but oh, how so often young people do that.  They do not have a good sense of their own value as well.  They do not deserve to have negative people in their life, but they must try out all circumstances.  As with myself (as an adult) I have found that it has been painful at times, but I can put it into perspective.

It is true a friendship shouldn’t be painful.  It should be sustaining and loving; Uplifting and encouraging.  Anything less is not what you deserve.  Once you realize you are a person of worth and value, you begin to realize that that is the kind of person you want to surround yourself with.  Not that friends never disagree or fight.  But, it is generally in a way that is not demeaning and demoralizing.  It is without drama and hurt is NEVER intended.

Sometimes, it is not only the youth that has problems distinguishing these issues!  If you are in a relationship with someone it is good to identify what kind of relationship it is so you know the expectations. 

Giving you my “friend” breakdown...let me put it to you.... “What kind of friend are you?”

The Rains of Spring

Yesterday the were several thunderstorms which passed the area.  I was leading a group of women in a bible study about "Boundaries" as the rain came down in pellets so big the sound was making it difficult to talk.  So, we stopped for a moment.  The trees were blowing pink petals against the windows and a cool breeze was flapping the blinds in the window.  As quick as it started it ended.

Outside the air smelled fresh, like spring.  Not like the summer which pulls down the smell of pollution, but fresh like a breeze off the ocean....40 miles from the beach.

Ah, wouldn't it be wonderful if the rains could cleanse us like it does the earth?  Instead we hold on to all that life sticks to us, clinging like grime under a fingernail.

Truth be told, I LOVE thunderstorms.  The power, the cleansing.  It is symbolic for me.  As a child we are told the old tale of "angels bowling", or maybe that is a New England thing.  In trying to comfort, we create an illusion that is non threatening.  In our young spirits we hope that it is angels (who mean us no harm).

Life is like a thunderstorm.  We go through times where we are tossed and thrown, when we cannot get our footing.  After the storm there is something to treasure.  We've experienced the fear and now we see on the other side there is hope.

Hi ho all! I have named this blog because I am a woman who is highly creative and I love to explore all aspects of the creative life.

I will talk about writing, reading, food, cookbooks, life, death, joy and family

A little bit of everything for the creative woman, mom, sister, aunt and daughter


Ginny (Mia Burke)