Too Many Grapes

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Today I had a discussion with my husband about one of those Facebook posted quiz type of things that involved picking a photo of different doors.  I picked one and quickly looked up my "reading".  I thought, oh okay and went on.  My husband had this sent to him and he picked a door.  He asked me what door I picked and I told him.  His next comment surprised me "boy they really nailed you".  Confused (because I already forgot what my door had to say about me...I usually let these things kind of run off)  he proceeded to tell me what my door said about me. As it turned out he was right.  He goes on that I always have my fingers in something.  Something you want to do.  Doing something that matters. You juggle a full bowl. Wow.

A recent incident, which had nothing to do with the story of the doors, came to mind.  I love grapes and I was getting down to the grapes that are at the bottom of the bag.  I kept grabbing and I kept loosing them.  No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't seem to grab the amount I wanted. I realized it wasn't working. While I was trying to pick up many grapes, my fingers were busy holding what few I had in my hand.  Taking the bag out I opened up my hand and placed each grape, one at a time, into my open cupped hand. 

It really was working too hard.  I was not finding the answer. I was trying to push those grapes into my fisted hand.  If I had relaxed my hand, I would be able to put each grape in my palm; in a planned and deliberate manner.  My life is like this.  Feel free to slap my hand.

Several years ago I decided to start a "bucket list".  Nothing way out there just things like visiting Martha's Vineyard.  Another was going to Bar Harbor Maine.  Being a New Englander it was something every New Englander needs to do.  Another was trying oil painting.  One turned out better than the other.  But, it was planned.

When I start overloading anything it catches up.  I am pretty good about evaluating my time (after years of juggling, I am better) but reining in my desires is another thing.  I desire to have a full bucket of things!  I am not saying that people should not live this way, only you can judge that.  What I am saying is that when you get to a certain age you need to realize you are not a young woman who has unlimited time in front of me.  This is me, you may be perfectly fine and going like a Ever Ready Bunny.  I cannot and in fact I really never could. 

Back to the grapes.  When I lessened my grip I was able to get even more grapes than I wanted! 

Going through life we will have a few grapes that roll off.  Looking at my life I will always have things I want to try to do.  Things I may fail, but I need to remember nothing comes to you without trying.  For those times when I have reached failure (I really have to tell you about my venture into oil painting) I can dust myself off and go on. For me, success was not necessarily, but trying was.

I am a child of God, and I have been led by His leanings.  I have come to the conclusion that I needed to reach out to be the person God wants me to be and the paths He will lead me down.  Some paths will turn out great, some will be learning lessons (like oil paint in my hair) It is when those situations are looked upon as lessons, you can smile.  No failures, just an ambition to try.

So, friends take each idea and dream (grapes) and place them in your open hands (or maybe in one of those buckets) and be deliberate.  What comes out may not be what you planned but is what you need.  

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Wednesday January 22, 2014

Here I am!  Although I would do better to say Here am I. 

I have been a terrible web gal and I could go on with a litany of reasons why I have not kept up. But, I feel I am on the rim of something and I am beginning anew!

I have been busy doing all kinds of things which are not really "bucket list" (although I do have one of those) but perhaps more as a "cup full".  Small task at a time, to establish something and follow through to the end.  This from a gal who had her last post a year ago!

This year I think even my doctor decided that I needed some changes.  Hope.  Yup, I have always been a quite positive person but when I got the Fibromyalgia it really took me for a loop.  I am learning to live with it, although I much rather live without it!  

My doctor suggested I see a Health Coach.  Well, it turned to be the best journey for me!  I found some things about myself I had no clue about.  Maybe because sometimes just putting one foot in front of the other has been difficult.  I began to really dig deep and do some changes.  

I had four things to work on for the next four months, or at least begin.

1.  To paint.  I am very artistic and belong to two decorative arts chapters but I have not really painted in two years.  I came to the understanding that it was because it was painful enough before (I could put myself down for two days if I painted all day) I was actually afraid of more pain.  Very unlike me.  I usually say "pain is relative".  But, amazingly, during painting I feel nothing.  I have always prayed before painting and that even stopped.  So, that was my first task.  I made painted ornaments for the church fair.  Yes it hurt like the dickens later, but I did it anyway and THAT is what I need to remember.  And I also found out I was terribly out of practice. LOL

2.  To write.  I have in mind a bible study and I am also working on a work of fiction.  Write in my blog!   You may say too much.  But, I multitask well.  I am often reading 3 books at the same time.  As long as the genre is different I have no problem.

3.   To keep my body as flexible as I can - chair yoga here I come!

4.   Cook creatively and maybe enter a contest or two.  I have won two contest, one from Hannaford Grocery which was for cash and I was able to help stock up my church's pantry.  It was a gift for both of us.

So, as one of my painter friends does...this year I am picking a word to focus on.  I know there will be setbacks and some stalls but HOPE seems well, hopeful.

I hope to be more patient with myself
I hope to touch someone for the better
I hope to be the best wife I can be
I hope and pray that God use me
I hope that all through the pain, I still see wonder and blessing in life.

This was pretty powerful for me.

Every year at Easter I have been known to "die".  To allow myself to experience the rebirth of who God intends me to be.  This year won't be any different.

This has been my journey thus far.

I would love to challenge anyone who is reading this.  To give themselves an accomplishment (with a broad stroke) to achieve.  

Finally, pick a word that has tickled your brain lately.   Who knows, you may actually find a new way to live.

Peace
Ginny

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