I'll Never Walk Alone

When you see long gaps in blogs you wonder, what is going on with this chick?  

Well, long story short (at least for now) back in the spring of 2014 I was diagnosed with colon cancer.  I was blessed in many ways with this.  I know that sounds strange but timing was perfect.  If I had my test on the planned original surgical date, I would have been clean and would not have another test for 10 years!!!  In that ten year time I would have had to have most likely developed symptoms and the cancer would be quite developed.  My cancer literally grew into cancer in the short time between the two colonoscopies; about two weeks.

I had originally was suppose to have my routine colonoscopy back in the summer of 2013 but I came down with a cold and I had to reschedule.  I was told they were booking out and was asked to call in December.  No problem.  Who doesn't want to delay the "pooper scope" anyway.  I did call in December (I am rather good like that) and they didn't have an opening until May.  So on my birthday in May of 2014 I had colonoscopy #1.  Although I had no polyp's (yea!) there was a fold in the colon and so the doctor took several samples.  The samples were "inconclusive" and I was asked to take another test immediately.  I was currently non symptomatic; I had no indications there was anything wrong.  So, the area was marked with a tattoo and many more tissue samples were taken in the second procedure.  Within a week I got a call from the doctor that everyone dreads.  I had cancer.  If I had not a cold back in 2013, I would be in a very dire situation.

I do plan on explaining this journey in more detail in this blog and also in my other blog A Time and Season for Everything    http://atimeandseasonforeverything.blogspot.com/.  In fact, my plan is to write two biblical studies.  One for Advent and another for Lent.

For now, I am in remission but, I also live with cancer cells in my body.  Last week I had a ultrasound on my thyroid, which showed a node which appears hard.  So, I should know next week when I will go in for my biopsy.  For at least the next 3 years I am at a high risk.  My doctors are staying on top of things, now I need to do the same.  It sometimes hard juggling doctors, blood work, test, visits and yet also take care of my spiritual being and my walk and relationship with God.

God Intervention

I am in need of a God intervention.  I am scared (pain, although I do have a very high tolerance) I am frightened that I will not die well.  I have been with individuals who were bitter and angry to the end, and those who saw family members who have past surrounding them, preparing them to pass the bridge from Earthly life to eternal life.  I desire to be like those individuals that when the time comes who will come to terms and face death and reconciliation with God with an overwhelming grace, warmth and peace.  

I Am Waiting  

I have made a vow to my self to live each day as it is, a gift.  I cannot tell the time, the date, nor the hour.  I cannot even say it will be cancer that takes me.

Today, as I came to this conclusion I was listening to some music from a link on my Face Book account.  What I came were a few songs that just slapped me and answered that silent prayer I was forming. I sure was having a hard time feeling Him at times. Cancer is nothing if not confusing.  It drives me nuts the way it plays with one's feelings.  In remission?   Yes.  Still have cancer?  Yes.  it sounds like an oxymoron.  This is explained better in my "bigger story".

So, now to the purpose of my post.  As I said I am waiting.  Now, I am not the most patient of gals and I am terrible with an endless case of "what if...."  I was functioning, but, I was missing something.

So Sings My Soul

Music and lyrics have always found me.  I often did not even know I was seeking.  I was just listening to music when I heard this, one of a few songs that seemed to speak to my heart.  Singing what I could not say.  Words that are like angel wings.. softly caressing my fears until they find a unimaginable peace.  It is like the first time you hear a song and say "that is a great song" It goes beyond being a good listening song, or dancing, grooving or driving song.  It is almost like a key that has been found and the turning of the lock releases a treasure of comfort!  It becomes supernatural in nature because it can touch your soul.

This song is so comforting and I know I will be needing it, maybe you will too.  I need to trust in God and his strong foundation.

YOU'LL NEVER WALK ALONE

When you walk through a storm
Hold your head up high
And don't be afraid of the dark

At the end of the storm
There's a golden sky
And the sweet silver song of a lark

Walk on through the wind
Walk on through the rain
Though your dreams be tossed and blown

Walk on walk on with hope in your heart
And you'll never walk alone
You'll never walk alone

 Walk on walk on with hope in your heart

And you'll never walk alone
You'll never walk

You'll never walk
You'll never walk alone 

http://www.metrolyrics.com/youll-never-walk-alone-lyrics-ge…
Read more: Gerry And The Pacemakers - You´ll Never Walk Alone Lyrics | MetroLyrics

Gerry And The Pacemakers - You´ll Never Walk Alone Lyrics | MetroLyrics

Lyrics to 'You´ll Never Walk Alone' by Gerry And The Pacemakers. When you walk through a storm / Hold your head up high / And don't be afraid of the dark / At

metrolyrics.com