Tuesday, April 19, 2011

A Heart Full of Holes

A thought came to me today.... I have not just a Holy heart but a heart full of holes.

We lost our 14 year old dog about a week ago.  It was a sad situation, but in my heart I have known that we always have given our fur babies the best in life.  The best medical care, the bestest love!  But, yet there is a hole in my heart named Cuddles right now.

Life is sort of like this.  We go through, being born with a whole heart full waiting to be filled by the love of a parent, who teaches us to fill our own heart.  Then life begins to take little heart shape pieces out.  For each loss, for each hurt we, in our humanness begin to live with a heart full of pieces that have been removed by sadness, grief, hurt and suffering.  Yet we go on. 

A funny thing about the heart, it hurts, but it goes on.  After a while we learn to live with the holes and sometimes even find things to help heal and fill them.  But, that is not to say that these heart holes still don’t remain.

Yesterday a dear man from our church passed to be with the Lord.  I am sure his family has large gapping holes to deal with.  He was the kind of guy who you could not forget.  His smile was contagious his courage impressive.  But, yesterday his own heart was fully healed and created whole again by the absolute recreation and reconciliation with God.

I do not compare the love of an animal to the love of a human.  I am just stating the human condition as I see it, feel it.

I take comfort in that someday my heart will be made fully whole and lifted into absolute glowing, for an eternity no less.  All those pieces that have been carried to the other side, will be united in me in wholeness and glory.

As we come into Holy week I have a chance to remind myself that, this is but a human vessel, and that it is the love that goes on.  The remembrances I have will hold me until I can once again be united with those whom I have lost, and have taken a part of my heart with them.  Reunited in love and in wholeness because of a sacrifice made over 2000 years ago.

Sometimes it is hard to get your head wrapped around this.  But, there are things, emotions, that cannot be denied and cannot be fully understood and comprehended until the moment of reconciliation.  I am not to really fully understand, only to hold faith that all that I believe is.

My favorite bible verse is Hebrews 11:1  Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

I cannot see my soul, yet I know that it is there.  I cannot see the hurts, yet I know that they are there.  I cannot see Jesus, but I know he is there.

In the journey of life we learn to cope and if we are lucky we find ourselves partnered in faith to sustain us.  It is there, we need only accept it.  Our journey may be long, it may be short.  It may be filled with a heart full of holes, with scars and healing.  The heart can find peace, but it will only find full rest and restitution at the feet of our Holy One.

So is my heart whole?  Yes and no.  No because suffering can leave it’s mark and yes because at the same time it is protected and reassured through my belief that someone holds me in eternity.

I guess I hadn’t started to be so theological in the beginning of this post, but today as I wait on information on services of my dear church friend it came to me ......

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